A Vision of My Son

A long time ago, I was very sick with a deadly combination of runaway diabetes and major depression.  I wasn’t sure I was going to survive and honestly, I didn’t care if I did.

But one day when I was looking at my first son, who was just a baby, I experienced something that I can only describe as a vision. He transformed before my eyes into the grown version of himself. He was tall and handsome with a confident smile.  I was so proud of him!  He came to me and put his arms around me and my shoulders soaked in his strength.

Over the years, I have called up that vision when I felt especially low and it made me feel better.

But whenever I saw him as a grown man, I reminded myself, “He’s not grown yet. I’ve got to help him get there.” Then I would think about how I needed to get better so I could help him grow up.

jon on rocker
David and Jonathan Mercer

Well, he is grown now… tall, handsome, making his way in the world–and I’m very proud of him.  But I also worry about him because that’s what dads do.

I’ve never told him about this vision. I didn’t want to make him feel responsible for my well-being.  It was my job to take care of him. But now that he’s grown I’m making this public so he’ll know that he has always been a source of strength to me.

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